Cozumel: Now the truth can be told!

Jenn covered most of the highlights of the trip, but she did leave out a fair number of important facts and incidents. Ready? Let's go.

* Can't believe she left out mentioning that the first bank of elevators from our stateroom featured a mural of -- we think -- Icarus, whose face was clearly modeled on Jesse Eisenberg's. Whether that means he'll star in a reboot of "Clash of the Titans," I can't say. But here's the photo, and tell me we're wrong...

* That elevator had a sexy British woman announcing each deck we stopped on. But there was a long pause between the two words she said, every time. "Riviera ...... Deck." "Lido ............. Deck." So in my mind, I see this beautiful woman, but it's like she's got a speech impediment. I'll miss her.

* I'm listening to (mostly) decent music on the Serenity deck -- the programmers like Duran Duran, clearly -- and I find myself singing along to a big-band song. "Oh can't you see me standin' here, I got my back against the record ma-shee-eeen. I ain't the worst that you've see-eeeen..." That's right. Paul Anka recorded a swing cover of Van Halen's "Jump."

* Speaking of music, Mexican music video stations are weird. While drinking a Victoria Modelo in a canvas-roofed beachside bar in Cozumel, I'm watching a strange collection of English-singing acts from the '80s I have never seen, when A-ha pops in for a song. Here's the weird part: The song wasn't "Take On Me," but the video had moments of the same comic-book-style rotoscoping as their most famous song. Who even knew they had another single? (UPDATE: It was "The Sun Always Shines on TV," which allegedly made it to the Top 20, but I swear I never heard it.)

* The alleged 21-and-up Serenity deck was a mixed blessing. We had to chase off a teenager kid who tried to step into the hot tub with us. I tried nicely: "You know this is 21 and up out here, right?" Him (voice cracking): "I'm 22!" ... On the flip side, he probably would've behaved better than the couple who bogarted the tub the next night. They didn't appear to have their suits off, yet they appeared to be doing things that would've required them to have their suits off. That's all I'm gonna say. Except that I'm now glad there was enough bleach in that tub to actually whiten my blue swim trunks. True story.

* Vanilla is super-cheap in Cozumel. But, like most foreign countries, some haggling is required. One man tried to sell us on two half-liters of the stuff for $10 each. We quickly turned and started walking away, as a girl earlier desperately dropped the price of a full liter to$13, then $12, then $11 -- but at that point we hadn't done enough shopping to know what the real price should be. Sure enough, with a bit of sass, this new guy gives us the two halves for $11.

* You can buy branded tequila in the city, but it's all imported from the proper tequila region. The local liquor is mezcal, but it's not even carried in the Mega supermarket in town. I finally found a cheap bottle, just to try. Wishing I'd found the not-so-cheap bottle.

* At the final dinner, the waitstaff all gathered to sing a version of "Leaving on a Jet Plane," only changing the words to "leaving... off the fun ship!" They also thought it would be inappropriate to sing "So kiss me and smile for me," as John Denver did. So they changed it, curiously, to "So wave me and smile for me."

* There's more, but I think I'm going to let the rest of my targets off the hook.

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